Sex Therapy
SEXUAL DYSFUNCTON
Our sexuality is an inextricable part of our identity. When things go wrong sexually, there is a psychological impact. Sexual problems are much more common than one would believe. People don't talk about them. They may not even be a problem for the person concerned, but once in a relationship, it is often the partner who complains or is uncomfortable. Perhaps it is a difference in sexual desire -- maybe one person has little or now interest in sex, maybe one person finds certain things arousing, yet the partner does not go along with this. Other problems include fetishes, BDSM, cross-dressing, sexual addiction, sexual orientation, or a combination of the above. Whatever the problem is, see a us at Harbourfront or Beaches Psychotherapy in downtown Toronto before it destroys your relationship.
SEXUAL ABUSE, INCEST, RAPE
No matter how long ago, or how recent, if you are a victim of abuse, incest or rape, you should seek counselling with a psychotherapist. Although you may hae been able to bury it in the past and "get on with your life" the memories are still there (sometimes it is so traumatic that you either "forget" them -- called repression -- or you continually re-live them through daytime flash-backs or nightmares when sleeping) and they will still haunt you.
I have worked with many clients suffering from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) in my downtown toronto Harbourfront and beaches office as a result of sexual assault, sexual abuse or rape. I have also worked with incest survivors -- they tend to develop other personality disorders to "detach" as a coping mechanism since the incest occurs when they are young children. As an adult, however, we have to undo these coping mechanisms when they stand in the way of a new, healthy relationship. One thing is certain, if you are a victim of abuse, incest or rape, your sexual relationship with another person will be affected -- and usually, they have no idea why you are reacting the way you are. A certain way your partner touches you, a certain thing they say or do -- or even the cologn or perfume they wear will instantly revive memories and turn your blood cold.
The results of this can destroy a relationship. See me us at Harbourfront Psychotherapy before this happens!
INFIDELITY
Nothing threatens the future of a relationship more than an affair. Whether it was a one-night stand, a brief fling or a long-term affair -- the results are wide-range and devastating. Emotions range from a profound hurt and shock to anger, rage, hatred, revenge, rejection, loathing, disgust and fear, to name a few. Your partner's reaction will also be wide-ranging, from remorse, regret, apology to anger, blame and rejection, further driving a wedge in the relationship.
Over the years, I have worked with many couples whose relationships are threatened by an affair and together, we have re-built the marriage and trust. In many cases, it has strengthened the relationship because we explore deeply the various issues that may have contributed to the infidelity that all too often were swept under the carpet or ignored. Regaining trust will not occur over-night -- especially if there have been years of trust shattered instantly, but repairing it is possible and necessary if the relationship is to survive.
Affairs are the #1 stressor in a relationship -- see us at our Toronto Psychotherapy office before you see a divorce lawyer. It does not have to be the end of the relationship.
GAY & LESBIAN ISSUES
Working with gays and lesbians hinges on understanding gays and lesbians. My work centres around a mutual understanding of where the client is with respect to acceptance. Whether sexuality is the presenting issue or not, understanding where the client is is paramount. Cass (1979) lists six stages that many homosexuals go through when dealing with their own sexual orientation. These stages have been widely accepted both by gay men and women alike and counselling professionals. They include:
- Identity Awareness. The point when the child or adolescent begins to realize he or she has feelings that are different from others and different from what they have been taught.
- Identity Comparison. The individual begins to explore his or her feelings alone and to compare them to the beliefs of society, parents, and peers.
- Identity Tolerance. During this stage, the individual will often rebel against his or her feelings and attempt to deny them. After all, nobody wants to be gay in a straight world.
- Identity Acceptance. After realizing that sexuality is a part of who they are, they begin to embrace it, explore their feelings and desires, and start to find a place in the world where they are accepted and belong.
- Identity Pride. Often involves anger toward parents, society, religion, or other aspects of the world that tells them that they are bad, wrong, immoral, or mentally ill merely because their feelings are directed toward the same sex. They embrace the ‘homosexual lifestyle’ and explore their newfound sexuality. It is during this stage that the gay or lesbian may start fighting against what society has taught them.
- Identity Synthesis. The final stage in which homosexuality becomes a part of who they are rather than the defining factor. Instead of being a gay man or lesbian, they begin to see themselves as parents, employees, leaders, teachers, supervisors, coaches, and volunteers who just happen to be gay. In the final stage, they are able to accept themselves more wholly rather than seeing their sexuality as separate from the rest of who they are.
Harbourfront Psychotherapy • Beaches Psychotherapy • Toronto
